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Singing in the Rain

Thursday, July 26, 2007


I have 16 days left to prepare for college.  And Canada.  I sort of have to be ready for college before I leave for Canada.  But pack for Canada at the same time.  I don't know how to pack for college.  I went on a big college-stuff shopping spree (my mom even drove to Southpoint, crazy), but what am I supposed to do with all that stuff?  Arg.  I haven't called my roommate yet either, but we've e-mailed a couple of times, so that's something.  My room is getting to be pretty organized, which is nice.  I'm really sad that I can't go to the mountains with everyone else before college starts.  I feel like I'm not seeing people enough.  Because even if I see people individually, I'm missing all the group things, and that's half of the experience, how we all act together.  So yeah, I'm in a good mood  and happy and all that on the whole, but I feel like I'm missing things (in any sense of the phrase).

Current mood: thoughtful

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

8:37PM - Rendevous and I'm through with you

Today:  I'm not working at SandwHich anymore.  He didn't think that I was picking up on all the tasks fast enough.  I don't really care that much.  IT was kinda fun while I was doing it, and the pay was nice, but it wasn't really what I wanted to be doing.  Id rather do stright waitressing or baking, or a combination of those two things, not help with everything to keep the kitchen up and running.  There were also weird things with how he did stuff w/ money and paying people, and it was kind of weird to have my mom be the bookkeeper and finding out that stuff because I had started working there.I'm going to to wait and see what my schedule is once I register for classes at orientation to see whether I'll get another job or whether I'd just have to quit in a month anyway.
    I got home and it was raining so I changed into shorts and went running.  I haven't run in forever but it felt great.  I ran 5 miles.  Barefoot.

When my parents got home, my mom told me that Doug Marlette had died.  He was the author of the comic Kudzu, and my former neighbor.  I was even more upset to learn only moments later that my friend's boyfriend has died as well.  Pray for them, please.

Current mood: gloomy

Monday, July 9, 2007

10:16PM - and they were all yellow

Thoughts on color coordinating dorm rooms with the roommates?

Current mood: curious

8:42PM - staring at the blank page before you

Recent developments:  I have: 

ordered my laptop for college. 
gotten a job (however odd and unstable it is at times). 
attended a church other than my own. 
decided to henna my hair a bit next weekend in VA. 
begun to make lists in my head of necessary items still to be acquired for college. 
made great steps towards actually thinking rationally about things that I normally do not think about at all. 
begun to enjoy and appreciate country music. 
found out where I will be living this school year, and learned the name of my roommate (but not much else, yet).  received my new passport in the mail.
stopped being frustrated with my boyfriend.
gotten a tan without getting burnt.
re-read all of the Harry Potter books, and pre-ordered the 7th one.
begun considering whether or not I could survive as a vegetarian.
bought earrings.
made a makeshift jewelry box out of a former box a shirt was in.  (it's not *that* big of a box)
been able to wake up on time for work, every day.
earned my first real paycheck ever.

Recent procrastinations:  I have not:

studied spanish for my placement test at orientation.
looked through the first-year guide to figure out what classes I want to take.
really thought about which freshman seminars I might want to take.
called my to-be roommate.
visited/ seen everyone that I should have this summer (some of that is definitely my fault).
talked to Hich about whether or not I actually have a schedule.
listened to some of my CDs in a long time.
gotten my car inspected.
gone shopping for new clothes or shoes.
gotten MC's nor Mollie's birthday presents.

Current mood: organized

Thursday, June 28, 2007

12:39AM - You work hard for your money

O my goodness, Christiana has a job.  It's crazy, I know.  She has a boss, she has a salary, she has to commute.  Strange things are afoot.  Working at SandwHich is hard.  Hich is a perfectionist (to an extent), and thinks that everything can always been done quicker.  There is a system for everything- how to dry trays, how to stack glasses, how to give people their food.  And yet, in surprising places I find the use of generalities and estimation.  Like the fact that there is no specific amount of salt or butter to add when making chips (or salt, oil, and vinegar to add to the cucumbers for sides).  And even those Hich is very particular that I measure the *exact* amount of all the ingredients for the cookies and brownies (baking is now one of my jobs :) ! ), he insists that I add things to the mixing bowl in a different order than what it says in the recipe- a recipe that he helped develop.  Working the cash register is hard simply because I don't know all the ingredients in all of the sandwiches, and I don't know which items it costs extra to add onto a sandwich, etc.  There are just so many details.  But if we run out of bacon, I have to be able to known that if someone orders a tuna salad sandwich, I have to ask them if it's ok that it's going to come w/out bacon.  I love bringing people their orders, and I don't mind doing all the organizational stuff in the kitchen.  I just hope that I'll start feeling a lot more comfortable, really soon, because Hich is going to want me to be able to open and close the shop without needed on e of the other employees (other than the cooks) there to help.  Because for the last 2 weeks I've been the third of said employees in the kitchen when there are usually only two.  I'd rather not get fired, and Hich is reputed to fire people somewhat frequently.  But I guess I can get another job if he does fire me, and maybe I'll be a little more confident there because of this.

Current mood: exhausted

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

8:51PM - Let the good times roll

I've graduated.   Hmm, what does that mean?  I can't say that I'm done with tests, or homework, or pulling all-nighters, or even drama.  I might be able to wake up later, but that's not even a given.  Plus adults tend to wake up earlier than teenagers anyway, so that's not indicative of anything.  Idk.  It's weird.  But summer is here, which should be lots of fun :)  Too bad my car is broken and I'm not sure when I'll get it back.  But all this time stuck at home has forced me to be motivated, and so I'm actually having quite a good time super-organizing my room.  I've wanted to do this for years, but have never had quite the will to do so.  But now it is necessary.  I can't just bring everything to college.  And I'm at the point in my life where I'm seeing past my old habits of...oh but I'd never want to get rid of this!  I might use it someday!  And it'll always remind me of the first time I used a chair in 5th grade!  Or something along those lines.  I wrote a letter to myself yesterday, to be opened sometime around June once I've graduated from college (whether I do it in 3, 4, 5, or 8 years lol).  That should be interesting.  hella better than the letter I wrote to myself freshman year, I am positive.  But that was an assignment.

Current mood: calm

Monday, May 14, 2007

11:15PM - To days of inspiration

I gues this day if half-inspired.  I sure didn't feel inspiredon bio this morning, but I think I passed.  I mangaed to get all my shot stuff done, even with checking out of school twice.  My arm hurts now :(  Yay tetnus! lol
However, a real inspiration to all procrastinators: today I wrote 2 essays and posted on 4 discussion boards.  I have officially completed Virtual High School.  It sucked.  I hated it.  I'm done with it.

I will have to keep checking it to make sure my grade is all good and that, but no more work!!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

5:35PM - Teacher! Leave those kids alone!

1 down, 2 to go!!!  I think I might have actually passed Stats!! If not, then crap.  But for now, Woooo!!  If anything else, at least I knew more than I thought I did.

Current mood: hungry

Saturday, May 5, 2007

11:12PM - One last embrace before I cross the threshold.

We're singing this song at our concert as well as graduation. I love the song; it is beautiful and moving and pretty much perfect for a graduation song.  But the description that accompanies it is wonderful as well, so I decided to share it because people don't have access to that at concerts.  I'm pretty much going to bawl when we sing it.  sigh

"Omnia Sol" goes beyond the obvious subect of a farewell or "song of parting," although it certainly has that as an integral aspect.  From a deeper perspective, it is a reflection on the constant passage of love and commitment in the hearts of those who have been pillars along life's way.  In that manner, the ever-changing chaos of life seems to find a peice of solid ground in the simple assurance that one is hardly alone; rather, life is a mosaic made up of visual images, conversations, laughter, love, sorrow, and experiences too numerous to count -- all as a result of one's interaction with other human beings from the moment of birth.  One's life has an inseparable kinship with others.  The metaphor for that kinship in the piece is "omnia sol" (or "everywhere light" [sun]), and that kinship or light is perpetuated by our daily investing and leaving a bit of ourselves in every soul we encounter.  Though we mature and "move on," part of us is "staid" in the hearts and minds of those we chance to meet.

Omnia Sol (Let Your Heart Be Staid)
Somewhere far from nowhere,
I grew both strong and tall.
Longing to become
But knowing not the path at all.
But the footprints of the winter melted to fields of spring;
One last embrace before I cross the threshold:
To life we sing!

O stay your soul and leave my heart its song,
O stay your hand, the journey may be long.
And when we part, and sorrow can't be sway'd,
Remember when and let your heart be staid.
Omnia sol temperat, absens in remota. (The sun warms everything, even when I am far away.)
Ama me fideliter, fidem mean noto. (Love me faithfully, and know that I am faithful.)

Weave the dance and raise the corus, grieve no more.
Through the strength of Orion find refuge from the shore.
Let courage be your oar, let passion be your sail.
Wisdom and truth will guide your deep heart's yearning,
Through all travail.

O stay your soul and leave my heart its song,
O stay your hand, the journey may be long.
And when we part, and sorrow can't be sway'd,
Remember when and let your heart be staid.
Omnia sol temperat, absens in remota. (The sun warms everything, even when I am far away.)
Ama me fideliter, fidem mean noto. (Love me faithfully, and know that I am faithful.)

PS. Come to the concert: Thursday, May 10, 7:00, OHS auditorium

PPS.  My dad bought a motorcycle.  It's bright yellow-orange.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

6:08PM - Headlines, breadlines, blow my mind and now this deadline!

So this is more for my reference, but these are the assignments I need to complete by Tuesday night for VHS:

Week 9/10:
-Into the Wild discussion questions

Week 11:
-I Am Listening to Istanbul, question #3
-We Just Want to Live Here discussion questions
-(We Just Want to Live Here insights discussion)
-Travel Journal

Week 12:
-House of Spirits discussion questions

Week 13:
-Social Class discussion
-Social Class paper
-Travel Journal

Week 14:
-Race and Ethnicity discussion
-Race and Ethnicity paper
-Travel Journal

Week 15:
-Gender discussion
-Gender paper
-Travel Journal

I think it's possible, believe it or not, but I'll be working hard, obviously.  Plus I have to study for my Stats exam on Tuesday.  I've never had to study like this before.  Normally I just read my notes.  sigh.  But I don't need to do all of VHS assignments, just most of it.  Yay for having a 100 last quarter!

Current mood: organized

Monday, April 23, 2007

9:05PM - Tonight we're gonna party

Prom was more fun last year.  I wasn't so stressed out and busy, we got to take lots more pictures, people danced sooner, there were more boys I was interested in dancing with, I was more hyper, my feet didn't go numb, I had tons of fun at the afterparty.  I mean, I had fun this year, but I realized that was only because Nathan was there.  Which, when I realized that made me feel really lame and clingy.  But oh well.  It is what it is.  The music was better this year, and it wasn't as hot.  Dinner was fun and it tasted good.  The after"party" was a little awkward, but o well I was only there for an hour and a half because of my stupid lame curfew.  My feet went numb twice because I didn't want to take off my shoes b/c Nathan is a foot taller than me (so he was the cause of happiness and pain...great).  IDK, it was weird. I think it had a lot to do with the fact that I just wasn't in the mood to let loose and have that much fun because I've had way too much going on recently.  I just want to have time to take a nap or watch a movie or lay outside for a whole day without feeling guilty that I'm not studying or figuring out college in some form or fashion.

On some other note, come see the Apple Tree.  Thursday @7, Saturday @7, Sunday @3.

Current mood: sore and stretched

Tuesday, April 17, 2007


FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKKKKK.  SO i really felt like saying that.  Cause that's the sort of mood I'm in right now.  I hate how my parents make arbitrary rules (even if they are long-standing ones).  And I hate how most of the reason I'm stressed is because I haven't done my work, but I can't work because I'm so stressed out and great now my shoulders are tense.  I cna't wait till my eye starts twitching again.  And now I sound crazy.  Well at least they don't give you work in asylums.

Saturday, April 7, 2007


Soooooo I'm stilll stressed ouuut.  Yay!  Ick.  Yeah, Financial Aid crap is driving me up the wall, virtual high school sucks, I need to write a sermon, I need to clean my room, I need to decorate a picture frame for Mary Lea, I need to find costume stuff for The Apple Tree, I need to remember that certain boys are not worth the time.

However, I have my prom dress, shoes, earrings, and necklace (need a purse, boutinair(sp?) for Nathan boy- who, by the way, I am not going to call until he calls me because I'm sick of always being the one to call.  He'll probably be surprised when I don't show up at school on Monday because he won't have called and so I won't have told him where I'm going.)  I am also glad because I figured out college tour stuff, which I didn't think I was going to be able to do. 

I found out today that Botox is made from botulinum toxin, the most poisonous substance in the world (causes botulism-severe form of food poisoning).  How odd is that?

Thursday, March 29, 2007

7:37PM - If everyone cared...


yay web"comics"

Current mood: awake

Monday, March 19, 2007

9:52PM - We're so glad to be at Happening there's no place we'd rather be

So, this past extended weekend was amaaazing.  I loved it so much.  I'm not going to say that every minute was awesome, but the minutes that were good were sooo good, they made up for the mediocre ones.   So yeah...

I loved the Team.  I didn't think I was going to get along with them great...I thought it was going to be really awkward and it wasn't at all.  I got really close to a lot of the people, and it was just really amazing how we all bonded.  Superfriends especially were awesome...I didn't get to participate in basically any of the normal Happening stuff, i loved all the decorating and costuming and skitting it up with all the cool ppl in that group.   Plus we did a kick ass job...the candidates actually knew that we were behind the skits and decorations for once, and they commented on how they thought they were cool and stuff so..yay!  That doesn't happen too often; it's easy for the superfriends to act entirely in anonymity.  Yeah basically the people turned out to be amazing in ways that I really cannot describe.

I didn't get lost getting there.  That was nice.  I got to out with Ross, Don, Greg, Claire, Both, and Haley afterwards.  That was even better. I did get a little lost coming home, but the way I ended up going was much simpler than my original plan.

The senior skit was fun.  When I was at Happening before, I hadn't realized that it was just seniors, but it makes sense because it is sort of a good bye thing.

I was bascially decorating, cleaning, or thinking about costumes/chaning the whole time I was there.  So I missed a LOT of the real Happening stuff, like the talks and seeing the candidates respond to the talks after talking w/ their smal groups.  But decorating was so much fun, and it was great to see the candidates react to the dining hall being a different theme every thime they came to eat.  Plus costumes were far-out; I would've been embarrased at times at what I was wearing if I didn't have 9 other people wearing the same kind of thing with me.  So instead it was just funny and we laughed at each other and ourselves (and really they were pretty cute, as far as costumes go...).  Plus hanging out with all the superfirends or various Team members that were around in my bits of downtime was quite fun and helped me to get to know everyone better.

Having a prayer partner was a really sort of interesting experience.  There were more Team than candidates, so only seniors and heads bascially got a partner, and we were supposed to pray for that candidate basically as much as humanly possible during the weekend.  I remember finding out who my partner was at the end of the weekend when I happened (and she was actually on Team with me this time), and it was really an amazing experience then, to find out that all this time, while I was growing in my faith, someone was behind the scenes, helping that happen.  And so, being a prayer partner for someone else was interesting i that I got to see the other side at work.  Every time I saw Shelly, I would pray for her, and it was kind of joyous (best word I can think of right now) to know that she had no idea yet.  Every time I talked to her, I made an effort to make sure that she knew something about me, so that when she turned around on the last day and saw who had been praying for her, she would recognize me and be all the more surprised.  It is a great feeling to find out that someone that you didn't know before, but have gotten to know and enjoy, has been praying for you all along.  Yesterday I got a letter from her, thanking me for praying for her that whole weekend, telling me what the weekend had meant to her, and telling me that she know would be praying for me as I work through all my stuff with college. And that was just as unexpected for me, and I got a little bit of the feeling I had when I happened.

On the first night, we were going to have a bonfire, but it rained all the night before and it was too wet, so the superfriends lit like 100 candles (no joke) in the gym and made a sort of faux-bonfire for everyone to mingle around.  Apparently it worked the best of any bonfire night, as everyone mingled some and sang some and ate song, just like they were supposed to (as opposed to clumping and being quiet or sawying to all the slow songs-not the best idea on the frist night b/c it alienates ppl sometimes).  So that was exciting.  and it was actually really pretty.

On a less spiritual note, we had a rave (drug-free) with strobe lights and techno and blacklights and all.  It was sooo much fun, the best dane I've been to at the Summit yet, b/c techno is easier to dance to (while leaving room for jesus!! lol) than rap, and it makes you feel less awkward lol.  But even better than that was the feeling I got when I walked into the UYF and saw none other than Chris Courtright standing there, helping to set up.  Neither of us knew that the other was going to be there, so that was awesome.  It really made my night.  Also, Andrew Smith, who had done the music at my happening, recognized me (which was nice, b/c we had talked quite a bit when I happened) and we talked a lot this weekend to, and so yay!!   And Xen came to closing on Sunday, and that was wonderful too.  I swear I hugged him for like 3 miutes straight.  Thas a long hug.  I was smiling basically from Saturday at 8 till Sunday at 1.  Then I stopped smiling and started crying b/c it's sad to leave these things.  But I cheered up, don't worry.

LAst thing I'll tell, I swear!  SO we had the piety dinner on saturdy night, to get the candidates all calm and spiritually-minded before they went down for the healing service, where they could pray individually with the preists if they wanted (Saturday night can be quite emotional).  And so Superfriends waited on tables, which was kinda weird, but then we listened to people recite poetry and sing and stuff.  I sang I'll Praise Him While He GIves Me Breath, an a capella song that I learned from my mom.  I sang it really well, and it was really the prefect place to sing it (everyone was quite, it was dark, the room echoed a bit, it was a religious atmosphere).  SO I was really glad that I had sung, even though I got really nervous about halfway thorugh, strangely.  Then the Superfriends did this skit about Jesus taking all our sins for us to the song Bright Eyes, which is done every year.  It's actually really moving, and I kind of laughed at myself b/c I was in the skit and I still cried. Oh well.  But the Piety dinner went really well -- the candidates had to walk from the dining hall up to the Pit for the healing service and they weren't supposed to talk, and the table heads said that no one said a word the whole walk (usually there is some whispering and giggles n stuff).

So yeah, it was a whole different experience from when I happened, but generally just as rewarding.  I'm soooo glad that I did it, and I'm relaly thinking about doing Vocare in college.

Current mood: calm

Sunday, March 18, 2007


Well I really had nothing to worry about concerning Happening.  There was virtually no stress at all.  No problem relating to the rest of the Team....I'm sooo much closer with them than before.  Everything went amazingly.  Better update later, when I'm more concious.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

7:34PM - Friendship and Peace may they Bloom and Grow

Ahhhhhh!  So Happening is this weekend.  I'll be leaving tomorrow around 5.  I hope I don't get lost.  I still need to finish my Caritas and Generitas, but I'll take to Hannah's motto:  it will get done!  So pray for me guys!  I have a lot to do before I get there, questions that still need answering, but hopefully it will get done!  I'm excited but nervous, I haven't ever really done anything quite like this before so it'll be a new experience with a lot of people I don't know and I'll be running on low sleep, but it should be tons of fun.  Hopefully I'll be able to skip youth group and sleep all of Sunday evening through Monday morning so I'm not particularly crbby at school on Monday, but forgive me if I'm out of it, tired, or snappy - I swear it'll only be due to exhaustion.  So, we'll see how it goes!

Current mood: kinda flustered/disorganized

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

7:07PM - Perfect

I spent the entirety of today's rehearsal for the concert either crying or trying not to cry.  Ms. Williams called me out personally 6 times (yes I counted, not on purpose, the number just kept growing and I noticed) to tell me I was singing sharp, I was singing too loud, my hands weren't in the right place, I need to listen, etc.  I really don't understand why all of a sudden she's decided to pick up on everything that I do wrong (if I'm even doing it wrong, because I swear half the time I didn't even do anything) and find the need to address it in front of the class, over and over and over again.  I feel like she's decided that I was rude one day and she's punishing me for it.  Or something.  I really don't even know.  But she's making me feel like I can't sing at all, and I have to keep reminding myself that I can sing.  I'm not the best one in our class, but I'm a far cry from the worst.  I don't understand how she can be directing the group and not notice that I, standing in the front row, am doing the best I can to sing while crying.  Standing directly in front of her, tears on my cheeks, and she doesn't notice.  No indication that she noticed anyway.  Although when she told Allison Morton that she was singing too loud (the only other person that I can remember that she called out by name this afternoon), she noticed when Allison was upset.  Even though Allison was in the third row.  I just don't get it.  But idk how tomorrow's class is going to go.

How long before you screw it up
How many times do I have to tell you to hurry up
With everything I do for you
The least you can do is keep quiet

Be a good girl
You've gotta try a little harder
That simply wasn't good enough
To make us proud

Current mood: crushed

Saturday, February 17, 2007


Wow so I haven't posted in a long time, here's a brief (very brief-ish) update:

-I quit soccer
-I'm auditioning for the Spring musical (on either Mon or Tues)
-Nathan and my 3-month anniversary is on Monday
-I got nominated for the Front Page Awards (in English
    -but the interview day is on the weekend of Spring Youth
       -but, but I might be able to go to that late, which would be great
-I just saw the movie Wit, with emma Thompson, and it was amazing
    -Pan's Labyrinth was disturbing but good too
-I've been accepted to 3 college, but I'm waiting to hear from the other 2 before making any real decisions
    -but i'm leaning toward UNC-CH
       -partially because of the Linda's Fellowship (haha giggle)
-VHS is a lot more work than I expected
    -but it's do able, esp b/c my teacher keeps giving random class extensions
-I need to work on scholarships ike woah
-I'm on Team for Happening #48
    -but that means I have to drive to Greensboro all by myself and I'm scared I'm going to get lost
-In general I've been pretty happy, but there are always those moments
-Parents and I get along....as in we live together and no one's died yet
-Theatre is fun, but w/ stupid ppl
-Madrigals isn't as fun as last year, but I love the pieces we're doing
-Chorus concert on Thursday, the 22nd, you should come
-I need to memorize my monologue better
    -and practice
-I've become ridiculously bad at waking up in the morning and getting work done at night
    -they're probably connected

Current mood: matter-of-fact

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

7:07PM - Whatcha gonna do with all that junk?

So it seemed like today was going to suck:  having to leave early, no car, 2 essays in English, blah Spanish, blah Stats, buying my lunch, test in Bio..........but then......although the beginning did suck and i was super tired, the essays didn't suck and I wrote more than I've written in awhile and drew some really weird conclusions (hope Mr. Cox is in the mood for abstract).  SPanish was still blah, but I don't have to really do my project cause I'm basically going to copy the one I did last year (its the same project) and just move some stuff around.  Stats was awesome.  Mr. Moore wanted some Bojangles, and asked if anyone was going out to lunch (we of course reminded him that wasn't allowed...he said that that's never stopped anyone before...we asked for passes, he said that wouldn't work).  So Chelsea called her grandmother, who then brought Bojangles for the whole class.  And then Mr. Moore passed around candy so we wouldn't have chicken breath all day.  And then the bio test didn't suck, I felt like I understood, and there was even extra credit.  So yay!  Plus I finally got a bank statement in the mail today, and I have more money than I thought I did. :)  But I couldn't find Nathan's home number in the phone book, so I'll have to talk to his mom on Friday night, when I eat dinner with them. 

Current mood: happy

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